Dear Love Docs,
My wife is driving me crazy with the temperature of our house. She has told me she is going through menopause and I’m trying to be sympathetic but I feel like I’m going crazy! During the hot months she keeps the house at a pretty cold temperature, so I can deal with it but it still incredibly cold! Winter is miserable! It’s just as cold in my house as it is outside. Every time I bring up my discomfort, the whole conversation turns into a huge fight and I end up sleeping on the couch and eating microwave meals for dinner. How do I make her understand that it’s uncomfortable for me to be in my own house!?!
Anonymous
Hey Anonymous,
No one ever tells you that one of the main challenges in any marriage or relationships is hormonal imbalance. Lesbian couples have to deal with having two sets of female hormones in one house while gay men have two sets of male hormones. Heterosexual couples have to deal with their own hormonal challenges as well. Testosterone and Estrogen…no one taught us about those damn things with the birds and the bees speech! Men…take a pause! Women have it much more difficult physically than we can ever imagine!
We’re going to assume your wife is going through a pretty big change in her physical life! – Her hormones are going crazy and she probably feels ten times crazier than you feel. She may not even know how to rationally discuss it with you. Besides her temperature changes she also has to deal with those crazy ups and downs and mood swings that go along with hormonal changes. Understanding all of these changes would probably be a step in the right direction.
Our simple and maybe little cynical advice would be to suck it up! Throw on a pair of sweats and a long sleeve shirt and avoid talking about it. Your efforts on understanding her changes (even if you don’t talk about it) will show her that you care about HER and are trying to understand her and make her as comfortable as possible during these difficult changes. Isn’t that what marriage is all about?
Maybe over time, she’ll appreciate your trying to accommodate her and she’ll start adjusting the temperature in the house to make you more comfortable. Sometimes actions are the best form of communication! If she does ask about your comfort with the temperature, don’t lie. Tell her how you feel as amicably as possible. Just remember that once you agree on a temperature, it should stay that way – no sneaking in changes!
We are all in relationships for different reasons. Healthy couples support each other, love each other and attempt to understand each other through our major life changes. This is just one major change she has and will go through in her life. It is your job as her husband to be there for her. Complain to your best friend, work out your anger and frustration and buy a sweatshirt and a fan! Trust us…fighting with her will tear your relationship apart while supporting her through this difficult time will only bring you closer together! In the end, is the temperature really that important?
Oh…and don’t forget to tell her how much you love her!
Be Yourself. Be Fearless. Be Your Own Unexpected Luxury!
The Love Doctors Advice Column is posted every Tuesday and Friday. Please e-mail your advice questions to info@raannt.com or comment below!
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