The Love Doctors Advice Column: Dear Anonymous…


Dear Peter and Alex,

I travel all the time for work, some times I’m gone for weeks at a time or when I

get back home I’m extremely tired from driving and dealing with my clients so I find

it difficult to connect with my husband. I’m just so tired that I don’t really feel

like talking, kissing, spending time together. And when the weekend comes around I

want to let loose and enjoy my time off because come Monday I’m going to be back on the

road working, so romance is not always – if ever – a priority for me.

So, how do I make both my career and relationship work? How do I find a balance that

will make me and my husband both happy?



Dear Anonymous,

Prioritize your life.  People who claim to have perfect balance in their lives are liars.  No one who juggles a career, family, friends, a relationship and outside interests could possibly balance all of those areas perfectly.  Take a look at your life and decide which areas are a priority.  Is your relationship a priority over your career or is your career a priority over your relationship?  Be honest with yourself. 

It sounds like you’re deciding to not make romance a priority instead of talking and working with your husband to make your relationship a priority.  Remember, no one at the end of their life looks back and wishes they had worked more hours.  If it is impossible for you to work less, than make the time you do have on the weekends exclusive time to spend with your husband. 

You’re so tired on the weekends that you want to let loose instead of spending time with your husband? Maybe your husband isn’t really a priority to you.  Or maybe he is but you’re so overwhelmed with the expectations of your husband and career that you don’t know how to make it all work.  You can have it all. 

We both have careers, run a website, take care of a house and three dogs, find time for each other and still find time to go out and have fun. It may not always be ideal, but we’re grateful for the amazing life we have with each other.  Treasure the weekends you go out and have fun together as much as the Sundays you sleep in and have a late brunch and maybe a movie on the couch.  It’s all part of the plan. 

To help us focus our attention on each other we try to text or call each other several times throughout the day and we keep a gratitude journal in which we write 5 things every day that we are grateful for about the other person.  It reminds us why we’re together.  And always keep intimacy alive.  Couples that are having sex regularly aren’t fighting and are excited to see each other. 

Bottom line…take care of yourself, connect with your husband for a certain amount every day and talk to your husband about how to make it work.  Take pride in your relationship and invest time and energy into it as you would your car, career or stock portfolio.  It is your greatest investment.  And remember…you only get one life.  This isn’t a dress rehearsal!

Be Yourself.  Be Fearless.  Be Your Own Unexpected Luxury.

The Love Doctors Advice Column will be posted every Tuesday and Friday.  Please e-mail your advice questions to or comment below!

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