Category: Love Doctors

In the past several months, we have received tons of emails and messages from followers asking us advice on love, relationships and sex.  These messages include questions about infidelity, open relationships, marriage equality, coming out, how to have a successful relationship, porn, sex toys, insecurities, staying erect in sex, loss of sex drive, trust issues and on and on.  We’ve found that an overwhelming amount of people have the same questions regarding matters of sex and love.  While we’ve continued to answer these questions personally, we thought it would be helpful to more people for us to address these issues on video via our YouTube channel.  Recently, we uploaded two advice videos; one pertaining to anxiety and coming out and the other about dating a porn star or stripper.  Check out the link to these videos below and make sure to subscribe to our channel! Send any advice questions to info@raannt.com!

http://youtu.be/ZvyqGX5p8Vo

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Dear Love Docs,

My wife is driving me crazy with the temperature of our house.  She has told me she is going through menopause and I’m trying to be sympathetic but I feel like I’m going crazy! During the hot months she keeps the house at a pretty cold temperature, so I can deal with it but it still incredibly cold!  Winter is miserable!  It’s just as cold in my house as it is outside.  Every time I bring up my discomfort, the whole conversation turns into a huge fight and I end up sleeping on the couch and eating microwave meals for dinner.  How do I make her understand that it’s uncomfortable for me to be in my own house!?!

Anonymous

 

Hey Anonymous,

No one ever tells you that one of the main challenges in any marriage or relationships is hormonal imbalance.  Lesbian couples have to deal with having two sets of female hormones in one house while gay men have two sets of male hormones.  Heterosexual couples have to deal with their own hormonal challenges as well. Testosterone and Estrogen…no one taught us about those damn things with the birds and the bees speech!  Men…take a pause! Women have it much more difficult physically than we can ever imagine!

We’re going to assume your wife is going through a pretty big change in her physical life! – Her hormones are going crazy and she probably feels ten times crazier than you feel. She may not even know how to rationally discuss it with you.  Besides her temperature changes she also has to deal with those crazy ups and downs and mood swings that go along with hormonal changes.   Understanding all of these changes would probably be a step in the right direction.

Our simple and maybe little cynical advice would be to suck it up!  Throw on a pair of sweats and a long sleeve shirt and avoid talking about it.  Your efforts on understanding her changes (even if you don’t talk about it) will show her that you care about HER and are trying to understand her and make her as comfortable as possible during these difficult changes.  Isn’t that what marriage is all about?

Maybe over time, she’ll appreciate your trying to accommodate her and she’ll start adjusting the temperature in the house to make you more comfortable.  Sometimes actions are the best form of communication!  If she does ask about your comfort with the temperature, don’t lie.  Tell her how you feel as amicably as possible.  Just remember that once you agree on a temperature, it should stay that way – no sneaking in changes!

We are all in relationships for different reasons.  Healthy couples support each other, love each other and attempt to understand each other through our major life changes.  This is just one major change she has and will go through in her life.  It is your job as her husband to be there for her.  Complain to your best friend, work out your anger and frustration and buy a sweatshirt and a fan! Trust us…fighting with her will tear your relationship apart while supporting her through this difficult time will only bring you closer together!  In the end, is the temperature really that important?

Oh…and don’t forget to tell her how much you love her!

Be Yourself.  Be Fearless.  Be Your Own Unexpected Luxury!

The Love Doctors Advice Column is posted every Tuesday and Friday.  Please e-mail your advice questions to info@raannt.com or comment below!

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Dear Peter and Alex,

I travel all the time for work, some times I’m gone for weeks at a time or when I

get back home I’m extremely tired from driving and dealing with my clients so I find

it difficult to connect with my husband. I’m just so tired that I don’t really feel

like talking, kissing, spending time together. And when the weekend comes around I

want to let loose and enjoy my time off because come Monday I’m going to be back on the

road working, so romance is not always – if ever – a priority for me.

So, how do I make both my career and relationship work? How do I find a balance that

will make me and my husband both happy?

                                                                                Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

Prioritize your life.  People who claim to have perfect balance in their lives are liars.  No one who juggles a career, family, friends, a relationship and outside interests could possibly balance all of those areas perfectly.  Take a look at your life and decide which areas are a priority.  Is your relationship a priority over your career or is your career a priority over your relationship?  Be honest with yourself. 

It sounds like you’re deciding to not make romance a priority instead of talking and working with your husband to make your relationship a priority.  Remember, no one at the end of their life looks back and wishes they had worked more hours.  If it is impossible for you to work less, than make the time you do have on the weekends exclusive time to spend with your husband. 

You’re so tired on the weekends that you want to let loose instead of spending time with your husband? Maybe your husband isn’t really a priority to you.  Or maybe he is but you’re so overwhelmed with the expectations of your husband and career that you don’t know how to make it all work.  You can have it all. 

We both have careers, run a website, take care of a house and three dogs, find time for each other and still find time to go out and have fun. It may not always be ideal, but we’re grateful for the amazing life we have with each other.  Treasure the weekends you go out and have fun together as much as the Sundays you sleep in and have a late brunch and maybe a movie on the couch.  It’s all part of the plan. 

To help us focus our attention on each other we try to text or call each other several times throughout the day and we keep a gratitude journal in which we write 5 things every day that we are grateful for about the other person.  It reminds us why we’re together.  And always keep intimacy alive.  Couples that are having sex regularly aren’t fighting and are excited to see each other. 

Bottom line…take care of yourself, connect with your husband for a certain amount every day and talk to your husband about how to make it work.  Take pride in your relationship and invest time and energy into it as you would your car, career or stock portfolio.  It is your greatest investment.  And remember…you only get one life.  This isn’t a dress rehearsal!

Be Yourself.  Be Fearless.  Be Your Own Unexpected Luxury.

The Love Doctors Advice Column will be posted every Tuesday and Friday.  Please e-mail your advice questions to info@raannt.com or comment below!

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Several years ago, while visiting a psychic for fun, we were told we should begin an advice column called The Love Doctors.  We had just recently started our website and were posting articles about local events and our opinions about anything from restaurant reviews to local drag queens.  The blog was started as a fun form of expression and we never expected to turn it into a full time business, let alone have people all over the world read our posts.  We never even expected to interview anyone famous let alone hundreds. It’s all been quite humbling, but the experience has definitely helped us grow into the people we are today.

Life, love and relationships.  We’re not exactly experts, but we do know a little bit about these topics. Expert or not, we find our emails filled on a regular basis with questions about life and love…and not just from gay men either.  Although we primarily receive questions from gay men about coming out, addiction and recovery in the gay community, confidence and how to have healthy relationships, we also receive tons of emails from heterosexual men asking us how to find the right woman or tactics to ask women out, how to be romantic and how to meet a woman’s emotional needs.  Woman of course want to know how to please a man sexually and what really beats inside the mind of the male psyche.

After reading and attempting to respond to all of these emails we have been reminded often of that Halloween four years ago when we met with our psychic friend and he told us to start an advice column.  He told us a lot of things that day and most of them have come true.  Whether or not you believe in psychics is not the point.  Maybe he tells everyone they should start an advice column.  He might have been a complete charlatan who planted a seed in our heads.  Today, that seed has sprouted.  Today, The Love Doctors are open for business!

Every Tuesday and Friday we will be posting responses to 2 questions we receive from readers, either by comment or email.  We will only post a first name unless otherwise asked to keep the name anonymous.  We hope this will be fun and informative.  Some of the issues will likely be serious while others will be lighthearted.  All questions may be sent to info@raannt.com Our first post will be this Friday, July 20th.

Let the adventure begin!

Be Yourself.  Be Fearless.  Be Your Own Unexpected Luxury!

Peter and Alex

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