Alex and I are not political whatsoever. We usually get our news from E! or TMZ or Facebook. We care more about Bradgelina and the Kardashians than we do Goldman Sachs’ bonuses or car recalls in Detroit. Don’t get me wrong, we care about what happens in this country, but I’m starting to care less and less. Why should I be so invested in a country that isn’t invested in me? The past few days, I’ve read update statuses on Facebook as well as articles on The Bilerico Project about the push for a constitutional ban of gay marriage and civil unions in Indiana. Well, I don’t have to be very political to understand what that means. They don’t want us to get married and in actuality, they don’t respect us as human beings. We are second class citizens.
I proposed to Alex on his 25th birthday, June 21st, 2009. He accepted. This last month, we began planning our wedding. We’ve decided to get married in Las Vegas at Mandalay Bay. Our family and friends will be present to celebrate with us. We plan to have a reception, hopefully at Tao, and when we return to Indianapolis, have a party for our friends who can’t make it to Vegas. Nevada will not marry us legally, so it is actually a “commitment ceremony”, but to us, it doesn’t matter. It is our wedding.
Tonight we discussed what flowers we want during our wedding; white stargazer lilies, never roses. We picked music out and I vehemently ruled out anything by Britney Spears, to which he laughed. We discussed our toast, being that I’m a recovering alcoholic and it is important to me that neither glass is filled with alcohol. At first he didn’t understand this so we had to discuss it. We discussed how we were going to afford this extravagant wedding, as well as our honeymoon. For months he has planned out his groom’s wedding party while I’ve planned mine. And what we really know, is that after it is over, just like every other couple in the United States, we’ll go back to being pretty much the couple we were before.
We’ll still laugh and fight over dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. We’ll argue over what kind of dog food to buy. Alex will dominate the television with the Wii or his recorded shows while I read or write on the computer. We’ll sing in the car on long trips and we’ll talk late at night, the fan whirring in the background; even in the dead of winter. So why all of the questions.
I mean, whenever we’re in the middle of having a conversation with our friends about our wedding they ask us what state we’re getting married in because Indiana doesn’t allow or acknowledge gay marriage. We get asked how we feel about the laws about gay marriage and if we’ll be able to be in the hospital with the other one should one of us, God forbid, get in a car accident. Politically, who will we vote for regarding the “gay agenda” and how do we think we’re helping “the gay community”.
But really, we’re just two folks in love who want to get married and have what everybody else has. Hell, on Jerry Springer, they’re marrying them and divorcing them left and right and apparently no one has any issues with that so what is the big deal? How is our wedding and our impending marriage really going to affect this country. If someone could explain that to me, then maybe, maybe I’d listen and become more political. Until then, suck it!
My mother would be ashamed of this state and many others for that matter. Two years ago she died from a horrible disease, and thankfully, everyone she loved was ALLOWED to be in the room around her when she passed. Years before, when I came out to her, she cried, and I was confused because my mother was such a liberal. “I’m not sad because you’re gay. I’m sad because of how society will treat you.” Well, I’m not anybody’s Boo Radley. I’m not going to go on hiding because people don’t know how to handle me or are confused or frightened by me. Alex appropriately introduces me to everyone we meet as his fiance and until HE decides otherwise, that is what I am. No law can take that away from me. I refuse to sit at the back of the bus just because someone else appointed the driver. I just don’t have that much time to wait because we’re on borrowed time as it is…
And I’m a realist. I used to think that we would have a federal right to get married in my lifetime, but now I’m starting to wonder. And I don’t really like being treated like a second class citizen. And I could care less for the people that talk to my face as if they sympathize and empathize yet do nothing to stand up for us. To be silent is to be part of the problem. Whispering behind Boo’s back is pathetic. Just imagine if all of us, not just in Indiana, but across this country, called in to work for one day, just one shift, in retaliation against the rights to have our marriages be legalized. The United States would shut down. And that’s the truth.
And just because we want to wear Armani to our wedding and have our bands made by Tiffany’s doesn’t make us frivolous gays, it makes us just like everyone else planning their wedding. Weekly I hear about what carat engagement ring and how many bridesmaids most of my female friends want, so why should we be any different. It’s just a wedding.
And we will have ours; even if it isn’t acknowledged by the good old state of Indiana. And why do I have to be so damned political when Sally Smith Warner can have a perfectly normal wedding, flowers and bridesmaids, with a legal ending, and she has never voted. Give me a break.
So support us if you want. Or suck it if you don’t. We really don’t care. But just in case, we’re going to be registered at Saks, Ikea and Crate and Barrel. And feel free to start a fund for our wedding and honeymoon. And we’d love if everyone called in sick on August 25th, 2010, in support of gay marriage. Would that make us political, or just expose all of the Boo’s for what we are…innocents betrayed.
P.S. Anyone interested in supporting our cause and lavish wedding/honeymoon to bring public attention to gay marriage rights…please let us know and we’ll set up a Paypal account with quickness!
Eyes Open…We’re Watching!